Archive for Harlem Ain’t for Amateurs

Taxi? Psssych!

I’m looking out the window of Jimbo’s on Lenox Ave. at a guy waving down a taxi. The weather is miserable– snow, rain, wind, and puddles the size of continents– so I’m surprised that the guy doesn’t hop right into the taxi as soon as it stops. Instead, he points, indicating that he wants the [...]

Overheard in Harlem: Love tap

An older woman yelling at a young man: “Suck a dick and die! Next!”

Love connection on the bus?

On the crowded bus, a guy near me says, “Mmmph, someone smells good!” He looks around and his eyes finally settle on the man standing next to him, who looks away immediately. A few beats later, the first guy leans in towards the other man and whispers, “What you wearing, bruh?” The second guy ignores [...]

Overheard in Harlem apt bldg

Woman rings doorbell. Muffled: Hello? Woman in hallway: “Its me! You in the bathroom?” Muffled reply. Woman in hallway, laughing: “Take your time. I’ll come back.” -> I’m so mad at both of them. Why would you yell that out in the hallway? And why would you ask who’s at the door while using the [...]

I got that sugar

There’s a guy selling “diabetic” cakes and pies on Lenox and 137th. That’s both genius and saddening. Bet they don’t have those in Westchester County.

Ice, Ice, Baby …

I saw Ms. Odd Eater at Jimbo’s. This time she ordered a cup of ice and ate one piece at a time with her fingers while she cackled on the phone. That’s all she ate. Not the oddest thing I’ve seen her eat but still odd, right?

You’re pretty! But not really.

I’m walking down Lenox this morning when a cute girl in knee-high black suede boots walks past me. Right then, I thought to tell her that perhaps Lenox and 135th wasn’t the place for her to be in that outfit. I mean, she should be able to dress any way she wants but in this [...]

Overheard in Harlem:

“If I know you, I won’t shoot at you.”

Another Harlem tale

At the local diner this morning: A woman walks inside to ask for napkins for her runny nose– it’s 17 degrees. Meanwhile her homegirl holds the door to the diner wide open for her. First woman proceeds to strike up a conversation with the cashier and her homegirl outside (“Ya’ll serve breakfast up in here?” [...]

Seen on 125th

I’ve seen it all now. I can safely retire from Harlem living. On 125th street, in broad daylight with plenty of people walking by, I saw a man take a leak on (yes, on) a parked SUV. I don’t know what else to say. To answer your most obvious question: No, he was not trying [...]